Redefining the Dream Job

I want to tell you a story. My story. This story is one of vulnerability straight from the heart. It is a story riddled with disappointments and very little (worldly) success, but overflowing with contentment. My story is a story about how I came to the realization that finding purpose, finding value in life, is truly found in Jesus. This is a story about freedom, peace, contentment, and obedience. A story about ups and downs; getting lost and being found. Keep reading and I bet you find a piece of your story somewhere in this one.

I was folding laundry in our new-to-us home when it hit me: I finally found joy in folding my family’s laundry again. My husband and I decided I would be a stay-at-home-mom when our first son was born. That was 15 years ago. In that moment, I could not think of doing anything else. What felt like two minutes before this moments, however, I couldn’t imagine not being an elementary school teacher. We even decided to leave California and move to Texas so I could stay home. There was nothing I loved more than being with my boys (I have three now) in those early years. As they grew, however, I got antsy. I began to write as my story of motherhood began to unfold.

Like many of you, I have always loved writing. I can remember writing stories and things as a kid getting lost in the whimsical words I’d write on the page. Now, I was able to raise my boys and scratch that creative itch through writing on this little thing called a blog. I had no idea when I started where it would take me. How about you?

I wrote about my experience with miscarriage and started gaining traction. It felt good to find purpose in what felt like a purposeless and painful event in my life. Helping other women navigate their loss through miscarriage brought peace and meaning to something in my life that didn’t quite make sense. I kept writing about various things: all the ins and outs of motherhood, life, and faith. I found that the mingling of life and faith is messy and I needed somewhere to talk about it. So, I talked about it on my blog.

As the world changed, so did my writing and where I wrote. The exponential growth and influence of social media expanded where I could share my thoughts and connected me with other Christian writers. I loved it. I loved it so much, I decided to pursue my dream of writing a book. I did all the things they tell you to do. I created a writing schedule. I scheduled social media posts in order to stay active, connected, and to keep that algorithm working in my favor. I created a newsletter and began building my email list. I attended conferences, made business cards, and connections. I met with literary agents and publishers pitching my book idea. I gained some traction and attention, but it was slow moving. I met with a coach and began honing in on my mission statement and brand. I got head shots. I did ALL. THE. THINGS.

But, you know what I found? I found that all of this wasn’t me. I kept going. I kept trying. I kept pursuing and chasing and hustling, yet nothing happened. I was still me, folding laundry, doing Facebook lives in my little office, writing blog posts by myself with little or no response. 

Am I doing this wrong? 

Am I not a writer?

Did I hear God wrong?

What else can I do to get this thing going?

How is she doing it so well and I can barely get one comment or like?

Oh, how the questions and doubts came flooding in. But, something in me kept going. Maybe I’m a fighter. Maybe I’m just stubborn. Maybe God was working something in me that I couldn’t quite see yet.

One day, I had had enough. Ever been there? Everything came to a head. Life hit me and my family hard. It was a season of valley moments, one right after the other, and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. We had some health issues, a broken pipe that flooded part of our home, and we decided to move. The blog and social media went on hold and honestly, I was okay with that. I was so exhausted from the hustle of trying to be and do something that wasn’t me that I welcomed the break. Even though I welcomed it, didn’t mean it wasn’t hard.

One thing I’ve learned is that life, if you let it, is all about change and growth. God is the Potter. We are His clay. If we truly believe that, then we must be open to His moving, changing, and growing us even when it hurts or doesn’t make sense. Usually when I go through a metamorphosis, I struggle. I am not a change lover. I actually used to loathe change. I like to know what’s coming; what to expect. I shocked myself when this change came.

I tried to find my identity in writing success instead of Jesus. I searched for my purpose in numbers on Instagram instead of His creation in me. I chased after the world’s success of a dream instead of resting in God’s passions He placed deep within my soul. I was lost, but then I was found. 

Sometimes life takes you on a roller coaster in order to truly find yourself in Jesus. He allows challenges to happen to awaken our souls to His grace. Otherwise, we stay the same course doing the same things looking for the same result only to find emptiness. God allowed everything to come crashing together so that I could find Him in the simple moment of folding my kids’ laundry.

I stood in the laundry room that day and realized that I am living my dream job. I get to do the very thing I cried to God for: love on and serve my family. Because I have the privilege to stay home, I get to do all sorts of things and live out the many passions God has inspired in me. I still get to write. I have the privilege of encouraging people on my Instagram feed even if it’s only a small little piece of the internet world. I still get to teach by teaching my own children and leading some ladies in Bible study. I get to cook creative meals, which I love. I have time to organize and design my home which fills my inner most being to the brim. I have the freedom to choose and for that, I am so very grateful.

I realized that the way the world, even the Christian world, defines success, especially when it comes to writing, isn’t really for me and that is okay. Would I love and do I still dream about publishing a book one day? Absolutely. But, the desire to chase it the way everyone told me I should isn’t in the cards for me right now and that feels, well, it feels like I can finally breath again. 

I still write. I still love it. I still post on my Instagram feed and edit my photos. I still connect with other Christian communicators and am inspired by those who have gone before me and had huge success. But, where I find fulfillment and value has changed. I find it in folding my family’s laundry. I find it in the simple moments when God speaks to me and says, “Share that. Not for anyone else but you and Me.” God asked me to let everything go only to find that when I did I finally found my dream job.