To Be Known

In the 1970’s the name “Jennifer” was popular. In fact, there were four “Jennifer’s within six houses on our street. I went by “Jennifer” and my favorite playmate took on the name of “JJ.” She had a pool in her backyard and we had a hot tub in ours and we were inseparable. We spent day after day after day together, for years.

I have always considered her my best friend because despite bruises and hurt feelings and childhood spats that were forgotten by the end of the day, we chose to allow the time that we spent together to bond us as friends for life. As we grew beyond childhood, she chose her path and I chose mine.

Further down the road, after graduations and weddings and marriages, life would hit us with overwhelming, cascading waves. Waves that would threaten to pull us under and cause us to forget our fundamental beliefs and uniquely-issued personality traits. Between the two of us, the debilitating waves would include: a kidney transplant, years of infertility, two surrogate pregnancies, the death of a spouse, and the grief that of losing two of our parents prematurely to cancer.

All the while, we kept in touch and understood that our loyalty to one another stretched far and wide and deep. In the middle of the night, she would call and I would answer. She would whisper things that were too hard to speak of. These phone calls, these truth-telling moments, did not change the course of life. They only served to deepen our awareness that the other person would be present in life-defining moments.

A few years after I lost my father, we sat on a church pew side by side. I had been asked to read a few sentences of scripture at my uncle’s funeral. My palms were sweaty and my anxiety was thick. The small task of reading a few lines overwhelmed me. I leaned over and whispered “I cannot do this. I cannot get up in front of these people in the shape I am in.”

She looked at me with a look that communicated one core truth…“I know you.”

She gently slid a James Avery bracelet off of her wrist and transferred it to mine. The sterling silver bracelet was embossed with the following scripture: “I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me” (Phil 4:13, NIV). While resting her hand on my arm she leaned over and said: “I’ve known you for a long time and this is something that you have always been able to do. You have always been able to get in front of people and say what needs to be said.” 

I could not argue with that. She knew me. There have been several times in my life when I have felt the same sense of anxiety or inadequacy and God has pulled someone to my side to say “I know you,” and that knowing has put my heart to rest.

“O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways (Psalm 139:1-4, NIV).

Although I am a bit more confident in my ability to stand in front of others today, I am reminded of the moments when God did not choose to remove my anxiety, but instead, chose to issue His presence. Because He is intimately acquainted with all my ways, He knows when to move close. He knows when to encourage. He knows when I need comfort.

Even in the presence of my human fears, the presence of Almighty God allows me to complete what has been asked of me. I can look forward to a future that requires more than I am capable of and know that God will meet me there.

“You hem me in – behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast” (Psalm 139: 5-10, NIV).

 

Originally published by MICI by our friend Jenni Eastin.